Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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