I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
