Midget sex pt 2 tonight
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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