You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
