OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
