dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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