i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
