She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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