You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I will pee on everything he values.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
