Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
