I hate all girls vehemently.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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