The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
