ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
