put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
