Can i not drive my cunt home
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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