his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
