dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
