You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
