she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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