Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
