FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
