What tipped you off? The sombrero?
only you would photoshop your dick
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
