I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
