I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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