why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
