remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
