So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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