My nipple is on Facebook.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
