You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
