all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
