woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
there is glitter all over my balls
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