i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
