I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
