The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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