Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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