dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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