check it out our google latitudes are spooning
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
