I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
