So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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