do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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