Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Actions speak louder than pants.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
