Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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