You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
