just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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