i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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