When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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