the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
