Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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