the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He literally asked permission to hit on me
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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