he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
