I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
