Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
