Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
