i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
