Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
