We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
