I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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