dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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