i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
