I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
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