You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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